Sunday, August 22, 2010
Posted by Lim Kai Shin at 8:47 PM
Friday, August 20, 2010
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
Posted by Lim Kai Shin at 7:39 PM
Saturday, August 14, 2010
One of the best past time to have during the holidays is to have a good romance in your hands accompanied by a cup of coffee (I prefer instant noodles though, coffee just makes the picture better). That's what I like to do especially when I'm on vacation, instead of waking up early and following and family for breakfast early in the morning, I prefer to have a sleep in in the hotel room, get up when I wanna get up, go out to the balcony, and start my day with something romantic..=) I picked this book up when I was on a vacation in Sabah. I was feeling really bored and needed a book to kill time.
This book is about a girl named Emma who worked as a florist in a wedding planning company Vows that was owned by one of her best friends. Emma was gorgeous and sexy, men swarmed around her, but she never found her Mr. Right. Jack Cooke was so close to the women of Vows (Emma and her best friends) that he's practically family. The last person Emma thought she'd fall in love with is Jack, because he was not the best guy to share love with. He was so close to them and things would just turn nasty if their relationship didn't work out, plus he was a player, always mingling around girls and never had a steady partner. Knowing that Jack was not her dream guy, yet Emma had fallen for him. At the end of the story, Jack found himself in love with Emma and they got married. Typical and so predictable huh? Yeah..
The reason I picked this book up was because I was attracted by its cover and title, it looks so romantic and I thought this would be another good romance. Though it's so predictable, I knew they were gonna get married, this book didn't not fail to keep me occupied when I was feeling hell bored in Sabah.
One thing I don't like about this book is it's so unrealistic! Emma had a PERFECT life, way tooooo perfect and I'm jealous. She was hot, had something she love doing as her job, worked with her best friends, had super loving parents, and at last got married with the man she really loved. I couldn't find anything not near to perfect about her in this book. People, life is NOT perfect!!
"Romance, in Emmaline opinion, made being a woman special. Romance made every woman beautiful, and every man a prince. A woman with romance in her life lived as grandly as a queen, because her heart was treasured."
"Flowers, candlelight, long walks in the moonlight in a secluded garden..."
"She wanted the day after day, night after night, year after year, the home, the family, the fights, the support, the sex, the everything.
He was one who wanted his own space, his own direction, who considered marriage a gamble with long odds."
"She knew all those things about him, and still she'd fallen."
Emma wanted forever, Jack enjoyed the present. Emma didn't dare to tell Jack that she loved him simply because she was afraid that Jack would freak out and leave her. But lucky for her, this man fell for her at the end of the story.
I think the way Emma thinks. If a relationship doesn't last forever, what's the point of even starting it? Get into a relationship then love that person with your heart, never give up easily in the relationship. But sometimes when you fall in love with someone like Jack, the only thing you can do is to enjoy the present and hope one day he will settle down with you. Good luck everyone.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Hey guys, I will be joining the Julies to their Orientation Camp as one of the facilitators. I am sure I am gonna have so much fun there as I love outdoor activities. Just can't wait for it!! =D We're taking off from the college tomorrow at about 2.30pm. The network coverage at the campsite is really bad, so I am sorry if I go out of radar for a while, I will be back on Sunday.
#1 Sleeping bag Checked
#2 Torch light Checked
#3 Clothes for 3 days Checked
#4 Shoes and slippers Checked
#5 Mosquito repellent Checked
#6 Sun screen Checked
#7 Toiletries Checked
#8 Mamee Sllrrrp Cup Instant Noodles Checked
#9 Salt water (to get rid of the vampires!) Checked
#10 Writing materials Checked
DONE!! And I'm ready to go..=D
Posted by Lim Kai Shin at 9:05 PM
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Had a long long day last night. Went to college for a meeting with the Student Council members and the other facilitators in the morning and discussed about the July intake Orientation Camp (Yay.. Will be going to another camp this Friday!!^^). I am sure I will have a great experience with the new Student Council members and the Julies.
After the meeting I had to rush back home, eat my lunch (had Mamee Sllrrrp again, Ayam Sensasi remains to be one of my favorite flavours, lol..), get myself ready and rush to Sunway before the traffic started to slow down because of MTV World Stage concert.
After Tokio Hotel was a fregging long delay. I was too tired so I gave up waiting. Left the concert and went to the changing room and had a talk with XJ instead.
Well, the night didn't just end like that. Spent some time with a special someone who totally spiced up the night..=)